23 posts
by AlbertThere's something I want to put at the center of how you describe your sits. It's a small shift, and I think it will change how you relate to your own experience. When we try to say what happened in a sit, most of us reach for a word that sums it up. "It was deep." "I felt present." "There was a lot of resistance." The…
by Contemplative CrossFitYou have been practicing for years. You can sit for an hour without fidgeting. You have read the maps -- Theravada, Mahayana, maybe some Vajrayana, maybe some nondual pointing-out instructions from YouTube. You have had genuine openings. You know what equanimity feels like from the inside. You regulate your nervous sys…
by Contemplative CrossFitIf you have been practicing for more than a few years, you have probably arrived at a quiet suspicion that something is not working. Not that meditation is fake, or that the traditions are wrong, but that the way you are engaging with it has produced a very specific kind of exhaustion. You are not a beginner. You are s…
by Contemplative CrossFitYou have had genuine insight. Something cracked open — the structure of a belief, the mechanics of a pattern, the quiet architecture of a suffering you had been living inside for years. For a moment, you saw clearly. The seeing was bodily, immediate, undeniable. And then it evaporated. Not slowly, not over days. In the…
by Contemplative CrossFitSomething dissolved. You recognized — not intellectually but viscerally — that identity is constructed, that there is no intrinsic ground beneath the self you had been maintaining. The insight was genuine. And then the aggregates kept going. Contact continued. Feeling-tone continued. Perception continued selecting and…
by Contemplative CrossFitYou wake up and the world already has a flavor. Before a single thought forms, before your feet hit the floor, there is a temperature to things — an emotional climate that was there before you arrived. You did not choose this. It was waiting for you. That climate is not random. It is the residue of a feedback loop that…
by Contemplative CrossFitYou saw it. Maybe on a retreat with ayahuasca. Maybe alone in your apartment with psilocybin. Maybe in a ceremony you found through a friend of a friend. The details vary. The core experience does not. For a window -- minutes or hours -- the architecture of your ordinary mind became transparent. You saw how you constru…
by Contemplative CrossFitYou have been sitting consistently for weeks. The first stretch was vivid -- everything landing clean, a sense of progress, even confidence. Now you are getting whacked in the face. Restlessness, fog, agonizing pressure, boredom so thick it feels like suffocation. Emotions you cannot name, arising without apparent caus…
by Contemplative CrossFitThere is a moment in practice that nobody warns you about. Not the first opening. Not the dark night. Not the disorientation of seeing through self. This moment is quieter, more ordinary, more devastating: the realization that the thing you cannot see about yourself is the thing that matters most. You have sat with ang…
by Contemplative CrossFitYou sit down. You arrange the posture. You close your eyes at the right moment, settle into the breath at the right pace, and begin doing the thing you have learned meditation is. Within minutes, you are running a program — executing a set of moves you have absorbed from teachers, books, retreat instructions, and the a…
by Contemplative CrossFitYou can map a phenomenological state in real time, identify the subtle flavor of a contraction before it fully forms, cross-reference your experience against three contemplative traditions before breakfast. Your analytical capacity is genuine. It is also the ceiling you keep hitting. Here is the pattern: you sit, somet…
by Contemplative CrossFitYou know this pattern. A surge of clarity arrives -- on retreat, in a late-night sit, after a week of renewed commitment -- and suddenly everything feels possible. The fog lifts. You can see the architecture of your own reactivity with startling precision. You double your sit time. You recommit. You tell yourself that…
by Contemplative CrossFitYou have been meditating for years. You know the instructions. You have sat retreats, read the books, maybe even had a few genuine openings. And yet your practice keeps stalling out. You sit for a week straight, then miss three days. You touch something real on the cushion, then spend the next month narrating the memor…
by Contemplative CrossFitYour phone vibrates in your pocket. Before you know who it is, before any thought forms, before the faintest whisper of a story — something has already happened. Your body registered a physical event. Consciousness lit up around it. And in that flash, a tone appeared: pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. That tone is not…
by Contemplative CrossFitYou believe suffering is something that happens to you. That it arrives from outside — caused by the difficult boss, the betraying partner, the body that will not cooperate, the mind that will not quiet down. Something goes wrong, and you suffer. Cause and effect. External event, internal pain. This is a misreading of…
by Contemplative CrossFitLook at any object in your room. A coffee cup, a doorframe, a shadow on the wall. Before you can register what you are seeing, your mind has already layered it with story. Name, function, emotional texture. You do not experience the object. You experience the meaning you have draped over it -- and the draping happened…
by Contemplative CrossFitSurrender. Let go. Release. You have heard these instructions so many times they have become furniture — something you walk past without seeing. And the reason they have lost their force is not that they are wrong. It is that they have become platitudes obscuring a mechanism nobody bothered to explain. What, exactly, a…
by Contemplative CrossFitYou have spent years building a life that holds together. A coherent identity, a set of beliefs that make sense, a way of orienting that keeps the ground beneath your feet from shifting. You know who you are at work, who you are in your relationships, how you show up in your practice. And all of this — every piece of i…
by Contemplative CrossFitYou have been told that the answer is to be present. Come back to the moment. Ground yourself in what is happening right now — this breath, this body, this sensation. You have practiced this. You have returned to the breath ten thousand times, noted sensations, scanned the body, anchored yourself in the immediate. And…
by Contemplative CrossFitYou did a ten-day retreat last year. Something cracked open on day seven -- genuine stillness, a quality of contact you had never touched before. You came home and sat ninety minutes a day for two weeks. Then you missed a day. Then three. By the end of the month you were back to sporadic sits and a low hum of self-repr…
by Contemplative CrossFitSomewhere in the proliferation of modern Dharma, a misunderstanding took hold: that the goal of practice is to stop trying. Do nothing. Relax into what is. Let it all happen on its own. This sounds liberating. It is also a dead end. The Do-Nothing Misunderstanding The instruction to "do nothing" addresses something rea…
by Contemplative CrossFitThere is a particular kind of practitioner who has read everything, understood the frameworks, and can articulate the subtleties of awareness with genuine sophistication. They know the difference between access concentration and absorption. They can describe the three characteristics without hesitation. Ask them how th…
by Contemplative CrossFitYou sit down to meditate. Within thirty seconds, you are somewhere else — replaying a conversation, rehearsing tomorrow's meeting, following a chain of association so far from where you started that when you "come back," you cannot trace the route. You diagnose the problem: my attention is broken. I cannot focus. Somet…